Birthdays With the English Boys

Hi boys.

I'm sure one of you have discovered this post and is now sharing it with the rest of you lot. I apologize ahead of time :)

 James on left and Ty on right

For the rest of my readers, enjoy!

Round One: Ty's Birthday

Ben and I

     Two birthdays in one week is a little much for me to handle but leave it to these guys to take drinking every night in stride. Let us start with Sunday after noon, Tylers birthday. The original idea was to meet in the park and hang out, then we would all go to the store, grab some alcohol and I would go home and change before going out that night because I was still wearing my normal jean shorts and a Ramones t-shirt. I didn't end up going home before we went out that night. Big mistake. They spent the whole rest of the night antagonizing and tying to get a rise out of me by telling me I looked, well, lets just say underdressed. These relentless assholes would make small remarks about anything they could thing of just to get at me. I'm not sure why I like these pricks so much. Thankfully I have tough skin and an older brother so it didn't bother me much. Anyways, it was all fun and games as it always is with these guys.

     For Ty's birthday we were supposed to go out to the topless bar but as we arrived, it was shut. When we told Ty he looked a little bit like someone had smashed his child hood dream of becoming a firefighter   (not that that was actually his childhood dream or anything). I was also disappointed because I couldn't wait to see the guys faces when they walked in to the place. Jaws would drop, James would make inappropriate gestures and John was sure to make a few of those poor girls uncomfortable. Some one was bound to drink too much and make a pass at one of the girls (my money was on Jamie) only to get kicked out. That would leave the rest of us scrambling to finish our drinks and go to the next bar.

We slowly meandered down to a bar that we had passed almost every night in the way to the bottle

Me, John, Jamie

Jamies normal face

       
shop. There was a sign sitting out side that said Pizza and a Schooner $9.99. It was a backpackers dream deal. They were instantly sold on the place. The more beer consumed the louder we got. These boys sure do like to sing. They sing when someone says something stupid, when someone needs to prove that they are manly by "skulling" or what we call chugging, their newly refilled beers, and basically they sing when ever someone is being a cunt. Which is quite often. Sadly I don't have any footage of this nights festivities but I do have some footage of a few nights before.

 

     The singing continued as we walked to the next place which was so far away it made me thankful I wasn't wearing stupid heels but my converse that the boys kept teasing me about. We arrived, and drank more, and more. I ran out of my daily spending limit I gave myself but James was nice enough to buy me a drink (thanks buddy!). I watched as the guys tried and tried to get a girl to go home with them. Eventually I just got tired, and sobered up and decided it was time to go home.

     I didn't get out of bed until 4pm the next day.

Round Two: James Birthday

From left to right: Jovi, Ben, Jamie, and James

     On my way to the city while sitting on the train I was thinking to myself, "Seriously why do I not have any girls to hang out with in the city. A topless bar? Really? Again?" But like I said before, in all honesty though I was kind of excited to see the guys reactions. Also, since it was James birthday I didn't have much choice in the matter. This time I didn't make the mistake of wearing jean shorts and a t-shirt, I imagine I looked better wearing the tight black skirt, white shirt and accessories I had chosen. I even threw on some slightly heeled ankle boots. You fancy huh.


     We eventually arrived the the topless bar. It was open! The mood quickly went from excitement and joy, to disappointment and dismay. In the entire bar was poorly lit in red, and there was only one girl. One girl with mediocre boobs and a decent ass. She had a pretty face and seemed nice and all, but you could tell the guys were expecting more. I mean shit, I was expecting more, no offense. The peak moment in that place was when I got to watch the boys drool over the girl as she did a table dance at another mans table.

     Jamie and Jovi had the biggest smiles on their faces. They looked like children who had just been told that they won a parent-free trip to Disney World in Orlando, Florida.  Ben was probably the most entertaining because he almost looked like he was ashamed to be enjoying watching her. He would look away and then glance over at her. Occasionally he would look around the table at everyone to see if anyone was watching. Sucks for him, but I was. James and Ty had the reaction that most men probably have. They couldn't take their eyes off. James made funny faces and excited noises at the end of the table, nodding with approval. Ty covered his oh-so-obvious half hard penis and tried to look like he was totally okay with the whole thing. He was going for the I'm too cool for this to effect me look. He was fooling no one. Then there was John. John does this character change that all of us had witnessed at one point or another. John went from being the weird but funny guy we know, to the incessantly charming man that could get the attention of almost any girl.

Thankfully we left there before anyone did anything they regret. All in all we went back to the hostel and, you guessed it, sang.

Ty and Jamie being their usual selves

 Here are some clips of the boys singing their little hearts out, and James dancing like an idiot on a table........ I only wish it was clearer.

21 Things I’ve Learned Since Moving to Australia

1.     Humidity is my hairs worst enemy. Don’t bother straightening or curling it, in the end it will always be a frizz hot mess.

2.     If I mastered the sales skills of the Chinese man on the corner selling worthless items that you just HAVE TO have, I would be a very rich woman.

3.     To get in to a bathroom you only need one door. Not two, not three, especially not four. Just one. Walking in to the bathroom here is like a mouse trying to get the cheese at the end of a maze. I mean come on, lady trying to pee here!

4.     If you’re hungry after 8pm….good luck. Only McDonalds and Hungry Jack are open still and I certainly would rather starve than eat that.  I’m thinking this is one of the reasons why people are generally thinner here.

5.     I hate short shorts on guys. I don’t want to see your upper thigh. If I wanted to see you in briefs I would take you to the bedroom.

6.     Public transportation is awesome here! I can get anywhere I need to be within a half hour almost every time. Plus, I’m a three minute train ride to the city.

7.     Apparently I’m a fan of the foreigners, but mostly the English. So far I have made about 15 friends out here, almost all English and all hilarious.

8.     Bell peppers are capsicum and ketchup is tomato (tuh-ma-toe) sauce. Don’t question it.

9.     No one here knows how to make a Chai Latte Iced. Apparently because it is powdered chai and not liquid chai, it is illogical to combine powder and milk………..I have given many coffee shops out here a little lesson in the art of mixing before adding ice, not after. Come on people.

10. I’m not very good at making friends with girls……okay, this might not be a new thing. I have always had more guy friends that girl friends but being here just makes me think, “ Wtf, I’m a pretty decent person I think. Just because I don’t enjoy wearing heels and reading Cosmo magazine doesn’t mean I’m not cool. Hmph. ” The poor English boys have to endure my foolish attempts at having a “girly” conversation. They fails every time.

11. I miss my sister. Erica my darling, I love you. I cannot wait to be roommates!

12.  Drinking Goon makes my temper flare up. It has gotten me in to a bit of trouble here and there so I have decided to swear off of the stuff…..but it’s the cheapest alcohol over here and I’m on a budget.

13. When you are traveling make sure that you sort out your home life perfectly before you venture off to the other side of the world. Every day I find this small cloud of guilt hanging over my head. Now trying to fix things from the other side of the world is causing me more stress because I’m not there to fix it.

14.  You should have listened to your mom and brought two big bags. Mom is always right.

15. Speaking of parents, I have learned a few things about mine that I couldn’t see while I was so close to them.  I won’t say what, but taking a look at them from afar has changed my perspective a bit.

16. Construction men here are pretttyyyy hot for the most part. They aren’t like the construction guys back home who are mostly middle aged, out of shape and rude. They are like the guys you see in music videos. Tall, dark wavy hair, 5 o’clock shadow, rough and dirty and oh so fit. Not only are they attractive but they are also incredibly kind and polite. You  can tell that most of them have no idea that they are as gorgeous as they are.

17. I might have an actual issue with men and trust. I imagine this has something to do with a recent betrayal, and like all things shall pass. Still a little sting of pain catches me off guard every once in a while at the mention of certain things.  No strings from here on out please.

18. Double bag. Double bag. Double bag. I get that it is bad for the environment but when you’re walking a mile to the store and back carrying 60lbs of groceries and water on your back and arms its worth it. The minute one bag breaks your screwed. I spent one sad Sunday siting in a curb watching my nectarines and grapes roll down the massive hill I had just climbed.

19. Find a travel buddy right away. I have not done this yet but I’m on a mission to find someone. I want to go to Byron Bay and Noosa and the outback and everywhere until my money runs out!

20. Smile. I know people say this all the time but truly. A smile goes a long way anywhere in the world. Seeing that person smile honestly back instantly makes me feels like I’ve done just a little bit of good that day.

21. Don’t be afraid to approach people in order to make friends. If I didn’t randomly approach Ty or Blake or Ashley, I would be a total loner calling home crying about how this all was a horrible mistake. Grow a pair and go say hi already!

 I wrote this as I sipped on a chai latte, wearing a ring bought from the Chinese man on the corner after I awkwardly got lost in the most ridiculous toilet ever while in a restaurant that closed while I was still eating with a friend.

Cheers Mates.

Also feel free to leave comments.